


Just Not Your Day

by Confused_Turtle



Category: Naruto
Genre: Car Chases, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Humour, M/M, Modern AU, Sakura's still a smol buff hoe, Swearing, a lot of it, accidental shoot outs, basically the entire rookie nine, bunch of idiots being dumb, cop!itachi, cop!shisui, dead relatives who aren't really dead, dorks in college, drug dealer!kiba, drug dealers, drug mention, kind of college AU but not really, who loves her boxing and mma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-14 21:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5759035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confused_Turtle/pseuds/Confused_Turtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sakura you whore, if you don't open this door right now your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it!" Screeched the her lovely blonde of a friend; Ino Yamanaka. Oh she just knew this was not gonna be her day. Drugs, Uchiha's, idiot friends, dead relatives that aren't actually dead and Kiba's muthafuckin' wimp ass all come together to create the largest migraine ever for poor Sakura.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Siri, show me funeral homes in Konoha."

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: T

Words: 2, 128

Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ , nor any characters within _Naruto_.

 

**Just Not your Day**

**-{ Chapter 1 }-**

It was supposed to be a normal day. Get up, eat breakfast, go to the gym for a few hours then the coffee shop; before heading home and working on her paper on Dioxin. Routine was her thing. Her friends called her the mom of the group, but hell, someone had to be with their asses almost always landing in hold-in.

Now stuck in a parking lot, god knows where; her day couldn't have gone any more off-routine.

* * *

"Sakura you whore, if you don't open this door right now your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it!" Screeched the her lovely blonde of a friend; Ino Yamanaka.

Letting out a depressed moan, the pinkette begrudgingly dragged herself out of her perfect, gorgeous bed to knock the harpy at her front door into next week. Trudging to the entrance of the apartment, she hoped Ino could feel the death vibes she was sending her through the white door. Throwing open said door, she glowered.

"Ino, why are you quoting Bob's Burgers to me at," Sakura glanced at the clock on her stove. "five in the flippity fucking morning on a Saturday." Growled out the petite girl, clad in her Batman PJ bottoms and black tank.

"I've got the shit!" She replied without hesitation.

Sakura was about ready to slam the door in her face. "Ino, god dammit I don't want your weed."

The blonde stopped her excited jitters for a split second. "Huh? Nah, Sak that shit's expensive, Shika grows some top notch stuff. I mean the tickets!"

The pinkette, could only stare wide eyed as Ino whipped out two front row seat tickets to the largest boxing match in Konoha since the beginning of time. "Fuck me..." She whispered out as she marveled the laminated pieces of paper like they were gold. "Where'd you get these, Ino? They sold out last week! You better have not done something illegal or I swear to God,"

"Semi-legal?"

"Ino."

"Kiba knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy, mmmk? Now, no more questions and bask in the glory of your bestest friends awesomeness." She finished before waving one of the blessed tickets in front of Sakura's face.

Sakura eyed her with disdain, wanting to say no. But the urge to swipe the ticket from her best friends hand was greater.

"Hah, I slay." The blonde murmured to herself as Sakura handled her ticket with an extreme carefulness. With a sudden intake of breath, Ino continued, a guilty grin now resident on her face. "Although now we kinda owe Kiba a favour; and trust me, that is not a position you want to be in for too long." Sakura's gaze shot to hers, practically burning holes in her blonde bomb-shell of a friends head.

"That's why you're here at five AM isn't it."

It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeaaaaaah, about that..." Ino drug out.

"Ino."

"We kinda, sorta have to go with him to Kahnawake to get his damn Indian cigs." Rushed out the blonde so fast, Sakura barely caught it.

"Why the fuck do we have to go with him!"

"Because he's a god damn piss-baby and he's afraid to go by himself, you know him! If he gets stopped by the feds the jigs up, and two pretty girls being there with him will make it a hell of a lot easier to con his way out of a huge ticket or jail, Sakura, jail. His sister will kill us if he gets put behind bars!"

"His sister loves me."

"Not after Kiba's dumb ass gets thrown in jail because you didn't feel like helpin' a brotha out!"

"Ino that makes no fuckin sense!"

"Don't question Inuzuka logic, Sakura, they can always hear you it's scary."

"Oh my god, FINE." She relented.

"Thank you!" Replied Ino sweetly, as if the argument had never taken place.

Sighing regretfully, the pinkette resigned herself to a rather abnormal day with two idiots she, for some reason, was good friends with. Running a hand through her cropped pink locks, she asked the obvious question.

"So when do we leave?"

Ino glanced at her watch, "Mmmm, twenty minutes."

This time she actually did slam the door in the blondes face.

"I'll be in the car waiting!" Shouted Ino from behind the door, surely waking some neighbors up in the process.

Sakura puckered her lips and closed her eyes in attempt to calm down before hurrying to get dressed and shower in under fifteen minutes.

* * *

The drive to Kahnawake is three, uncomfortable, grueling hours; locked in Kiba's old green Nissan along with Ino and Naruto.

"So how'd you get roped into this?" She'd questioned her long-time whisker scarred friend as she threw her purse into the back seat next to him, Ino riding shot-gun and Kiba at the steering wheel.

"Sasuke ditched me at Bulkbarn because I wanted to buy seventy-five packs of beef ramen for twenty bucks. Only Kiba was willing to come pick me up..." Grumbled out the pouty-looking blond.

"Wait, why were you at Bulkbarn at this ungodly hour?" Asked the pinkette dubiously.

"It's a long story." Naruto replied, puffing his cheeks out.

Deciding not to continue on the subject of what her friends did in the night, Sakura settled in for the long ride to muthafuckin' Kahnawake of all the damn places, so Kiba can get his cheap ass Indian cigarettes that make you cough up a lung; for eight bucks a carton and sell em' for fifteen like it's actually good quality tobacco.

Yay.

* * *

"One-thousand five-hundred and thirty-two bottles of beer on the wall one-thousand five-hundred thirty-two bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, one-thousand five-hundred and thirty-one bottles of beer on the wa-"

"SHUT UP, NARUTO."

* * *

"Ok, but aliens though."

"Dude."

"Ok, but just hear me out."

"NARUTO."

* * *

"Kiba...?"

"Uh huh?"

"Why do you... have a dildo... in your car..."

Queue the car almost swerving off road.

"EXCUSE ME?"

* * *

Sakura let out a sigh of relief when Ino returned to the car after dumping all the cartons into the trunk.

"Still can't believe you made Ino do it..." Muttered the pinkette as she shifted into a different position for the umpteenth time.

"Hey, I like to play it safe, ok?"

Ino let out a sarcastic snort from the passenger seat. "Kiba you are the most paranoid dealer I've ever met."

The tattooed boy sighed. "Ok, now the hard part..."

"You mean the hard part wasn't listening to Naruto for three hours straight?" Mumbled out Sakura as she clicked her seat belt back into place.

Kiba looked pained at the thought of another three hours of that but put it to the back of his mind, focusing on the more stressful side of the ride.

"No, avoiding all the damn cops stationed right outside of town. Like, man, a dudes gotta do what a dudes gotta do to make a living. Why they always gotta bust my balls?"

"Didn't know you had a pair." Snorts and giggles.

"Can you guys please let go of the dildo thing..."

"Nah." The rest of them chorused.

* * *

The drive out of Kahnawake was rather tense. No one spoke unless needed, only the dull drone of Kiba's car present to break the silence. It was almost stifling; the un-noisiness of her usually loud friends. A large sign supporting a blue and white theme spelled out 'You Are Now Leaving Mohawk territory! Come back soon.', scarily enough, there were cops stationed right outside the small town, had they been there upon their entry?

One of the officers stepped outside of his vehicle, signaling the old Nissan to stop. He seemed awfully familiar...

All four of the cars occupants held their breath.

"Well if it isn't my baby cousins best friends!"

"Oh Kami please..." The pinkette whispered out as the one and only Shisui Uchiha approached the shitty thing Kiba called a car (she's my baby guys don't insult her).

"Heeeey, Shisui..." They all mumbled out.

The older Uchiha squinted at the group of teenagers. "So you guys take a trip out to Kahnawake?" He questioned skeptically.

Kiba tried his own against Sasuke's older cousin. "Who? Us? Nah, man, sir, officer we were just passin' through! Yeah, uh... We were in Ame! Yeah, Ame..."

Oh my Kami they were so done.

She may as well write her will now.

First, Naruto could have the rest of her ramen. Kakashi could have her limited edition copy of Icha Icha for his lonely nights (which were most of them). Sasuke could have her expensive ass hash (so he could lighten the fuck up) that she'd stowed away in her cupboard.

As Sakura continued her inner-monologue of certain death, Naruto nudged he side.

"What?" She whispered out harshly, hopefully not heard by Shisui who was still speaking to Kiba.

"This is exactly what you're here for, Sak! Work ya pretty pink magic!" Whispered back the blond almost excitedly.

Sonuva-

"Why me? Why not Ino!" Exclaimed the flustered pinkette, she was not pulling any moves on Sasuke's older cousin of all people.

"Ino's just here because Kiba's a wimp; so she does all the dirty work for him because she's got more balls than he'll ever have. Literally." He responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

She was not aware of this.

Wait-

"Are you calling me a hoe, Naruto Uzumaki, what would your mother say!?" She exclaimed in an outraged whisper.

"You two okay back there?" Asked Shisui, side-eyeing them from the front of the car.

"GREAT."

"JUST FINE AND DANDY SIR."

Shisui could barely contain a smile at the antics of his baby cousins oh-so-obviously guilty friends. Ah, the hilarity of youth.

Naruto shot Sakura look as if to say now! Oh kami, oh kami.

Summoning all the courage she could, the pinkette promptly pushed herself out of comfort-zone. Sighing cutely, she pouted in a semi-dramatic manner; just the way Ino'd taught her by whispering the word prune. Sakura looked down at the ground before looking up and fluttering her lashes slowly, all doe-like.

Okay.

Okay, she could do this.

"Shisui, we were really just heading back from Ame and Kiba knew this short-cut to get us back quick because I need to head to, uh.." Panic, panic oh dear kami where could they be headed to so early? "my.. Aunt's funeral!" Oh my fucking kami, Sakura Haruno, you can solve algebraic equations not even some mathematicians can solve, hoe, and that was your answer? Oh dear kami did she even have an aunt?

Queue Ino dying in corner.

"Yeah, and Ino knew the perfect florist who sells these beautiful flowers that only grow in Ame; and I really wanted the perfect flowers for her ceremony, you know?" Ino shook her head vehemently to the statement, flashing Shisui a sad, semi-guilty looking smile.

He's never gonna buy that kami help them all...

The older Uchiha nodded in understanding his eyes sympathetic, seemingly saddened by the news. "I'm sorry for your loss, I can't believe auntie Atsuko died, gosh she seemed to be in perfect health two weeks ago..."

The entire car froze.

"Right, well, uh... not a lot of people knew but um,... she had cancer..." Sakura feigned sadness, even summoning tears to her eyes to give them a watery effect.

Shisui seemed surprised by the small tid bit of information, but still buying in to it... she really, really hoped.

"If you don't mind my asking, but what kind of cancer?" He questioned, shooting Sakura a challenging look.

Easy! This was the young Haruno's area of expertise! Hmm, lets see; lung cancer? No she'd of been the hospital two weeks ago if so... Oh, oh! Leukemia... mmm maybe not. Everyone within the car was absolutely silent.

"Ass cancer!" Exclaimed Naruto in a sudden bout of panic when Sakura seemed to be thinking too long.

The entire car, including Shisui, turned to give the blond a disbelieving look.

Motherfucker.

"Well then! We kind of need to be on our way to arrive on time, so if you would please..." Ino interjected before any more questions could arise because of Naruto's dumb ass. Shisui nodded and everyone sighed in relief.

"Would you mind of we tagged along? I'd like to pay my respects, auntie Atsuko was always so sweet to Itachi and I whenever we'd see her. It really is such a shame that she passed..." Spoke Shisui, his voice laden with sadness.

Kiba shot Sakura a dumbfounded look.

"Great! we'll be right behind you guys the entire time."

Shit.

* * *

"Siri, find funeral homes in Konoha."


	2. Of Wasabi Ginger Chips and Shady Towns

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: T

Words: 1,763

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any characters within Naruto.

Just Not Your Day

**-{ Chapter 2 }-**

“What the hell just happened?” Asked Ino; slightly dazed by the recent turn of events. Her only response was a collective groan from the car’s occupants.

“Great, now we’ve got to set up a fake funeral with a closed casket, oh my kami I screwed us over so bad, so bad.” Whispered Sakura vehemently to herself, disbelief clear in her tone. She couldn’t believe how bad that had back fired on them. How the hell was she supposed to know Shisui had known her aunt? Not even she’d known she’d had an aunt!

“Okay so there’s a funeral home in Konoha close to your old place in district 10-30, that’s believable right? Close to your relatives, small place, inexpensive…” Naruto rambled off, reading the Yelp reviews on the home.

“Naruto my dead but not dead aunt isn’t having the funeral she doesn’t know about at a place you found off Yelp.”

“I think she would’ve loved the place.”

“She’s not dead!”

As Sakura and Naruto bantered back and forth on the subject, Kiba’s features suddenly pinched into a look of determination.

“Oh no…” Ino muttered out, catching Kiba’s look out of the corner of her eye.

To both Ino and Sakura’s absolute horror, Kiba began to shift gears as he checked his rear-view mirror for the telltale signs of the cop car behind them. The engine changed sounds and the old rust-box took off.

“Kiba, you fucking idiot, you can’t outrace a cop car with this piece of shit!” Exclaimed Sakura in outrage. They were definitely not making it out of this alive; not with Kiba’s wreck of a car.

Kiba shot Sakura a shit-eating grin. “Don’t worry I’m a great driver!” He yelled out over the rev of the engine.

“But Shisui’s won a shit ton of drift races before dumbass! It’s like his hobby or some shit, you know Uchiha’s! You can’t even beat me at Forza Motorsport on the Xbox for the love of Kami!” Ino screeched, and rightfully so as Kiba nearly lost handle of the car while drifting on the dirt road. Abruptly, sirens began to sound from behind them, red and blue lights flashing into the cars side mirrors.

“Pull over amateurs, you don’t really think you can outrace me do you?” Came the hissing intercom on top of Uchiha’s vehicle; Shisui’s cackling apparent on the other side, as if the thought of them even attempting something so stupid were the funniest thing in the world. The car swerved; almost hitting a stop sign in the process and Sakura groaned with anger.

“Okay.” She ground out, very close to strangling Kiba. The pinkette pulled her hair into a high ponytail and Ino let out a squeal of excitement at the sign of Sakura taking over. Scooting to the edge of her seat, she looked Kiba in the eyes as he glanced into the rear-view mirror, “Kiba, listen to my instructions very closely,” She began. The brunet blinked twice before pouting in defeat.

“Fine…” He grumbled out.

“You’re going to pull a right here, but I want you to turn on your left blinker anyways okay?” she directed carefully in a steady tone.

The tattooed boy shot her a dubious look. “Who puts their blinkers on during a chase?” He questioned.

“Legit no one, that’s the point; confuse them.” Explained the pinkette with a smile quirking at her lips and eyebrows raised. Confusion and trickery were a key factor to getting out of any bad situation from her point of view. Kiba let loose a feral grin as he turned his head back to the front,

“I like the way you think, Sak.” Doing as instructed, Kiba flicked his left blinker on and hurriedly pulled a right, the cop car now lagging behind slightly. Up ahead lay an off side road.

“Turn right again!” Sakura commanded. Continuing onto the road a maze of turn offs appeared, a look of indecision flashed across the pinkette’s face as she attempted to decipher exactly which gravel road to take. “Pull onto the one to the farthest left, it should take us to the 10, you can go about max 110. After that I want you to try and lose them for a few seconds between cars.” Kiba nodded in affirmation. “Then Ino’s gonna hold the wheel and you and I are going to switch places because god knows you can’t drive this trash can for shit.” She finalized as he got onto the route. Kiba’s faced fell at that, ready to argue, yet dropped it and nodded dejectedly when the rest of the car’s occupants glared at him. Kiba jerked the car suddenly and pulled onto the 10. Effectively losing the Uchiha’s for now (but they would no doubt find them).

Or what they’d thought was the 10.

“You took the wrong exit!?” Screeched Ino. What a day of fuckery.

The brunet flinched at Ino’s outburst, lips pulling into a guilty and embarrassed smile. “Maybe…?” He squeaked out, clearly at loss for words regarding his own stupidity. “Well, I thought it was the 10…”

“Looks like we’re on the 70, heading directly for Suna.” Came Sakura as she looked around the area, the forest slowly diminishing for flat land and soon enough sand to take its place. Ahead, a sign clearly stated they were headed towards Suna. Naruto sighed next to her, flopping down into the car seat and groaning.

“Anyone one remember how to get back…?” Ino asked hopefully.

Silence reigned over the car. Of course not, they’d taken quite a few more turns…

Damn.

“When’s the next exit?” Questioned the blond exasperatedly.

“Well if I had to take a guess, about two hours away.” Replied the pinkette.

It took about three seconds of silence until the car essentially exploded.

“Kiba you fucking shit head!”

“Oh MY FUCKING GOD.”

Naruto attempted to lunge forward to strangle the absolute dumbass behind the wheel.

“NARUTO NO-“ Came Sakura’s exclamation.

“Ten and two, ten and two!” Ino screamed out repeatedly as Sakura struggled to restrain Naruto back down into his seat.

“Look up ahead, it looks like we’re passing through a town, maybe I can get some bars there and we can find our way back on google maps.” Supplied Sakura in attempt to satiate everyone’s anger. No one spoke until Kiba parked in some general store’s parking lot. The team stepped outside of the rust bucket to stretch while Sakura began to make her way towards the motel across the street. Surely they had wifi, every place had wifi nowadays… Stepping into the threshold, Sakura glanced around. No one stood behind the front desk, nor was anyone milling about the rundown place. The entire motel had an eerie feeling that made the medic-student shiver at its creepiness.

“Hello…?” Her voice rang throughout the hollow place.

No answer.

Checking her phone she realized the building didn’t supply her phone with even a semblance of internet. Hurriedly she stepped out of the motel before some axe murderer came out of nowhere… talk about an X-files looking place. As she looked around the small town, the pinkette came to realize almost no one was outside; an absolute contrast to that of Konoha. Few shudders were drawn open despite the rather stifling heat in Suna, and the scarce businesses that did seem to be open had the shadiest people in the world behind the counters, shifty eyes and the like.

Okay, where the flippity fuck were they?

Sandals flopping against the pavement were the only sound besides the insistent breeze in the Haruno’s ears. Looking back at the car; where Ino sat on the hood of the car, kicking her legs back and forth and where the boys were have a Mexican standoff with finger guns, Sakura hollered at them,

“I’m going to get something to eat the gas station and maybe we can get some directions, you guys coming or nah?” Quickly, the three began to make their way towards Sakura and they entered the dingy looking gas station. The small place didn’t offer much, but the beach blonde spotted a rack with a selection of chips at the back, courtesy of Choji’s constant ‘chip finding’ lessons. While the boys and Ino scouted the place for more than just chips (a.k.a maybe a suspicious looking burrito), Sakura stalked over to the front of the store where she could have sworn she’d seen a man upon their entry. A squeaking sound came from her right, pushing behind the counter she found a door swinging back and forth, obviously just entered by someone. Hesitantly, she padded over to the door which lead to a not-so-safe looking staircase.

“Okay, this is definitely some X-files looking shit…” She muttered.

“AY YO SAK, THEY GOT WASABI AND GINGER CHIPS, HOE.” Ino bounced up behind her, waving a bag of chips in front of her face. Looking down, the Yamanaka tilted her head to the side. “Is that were the cash register dude went?” Sakura nodded her head in affirmation. “Some X-files lookin’ shit.” She said, ripping open the bag of chips and popping one in her mouth.

“Right?”

“If only Gillian Anderson was down there.” Sighed Ino dejectedly, “Totally my woman crush Wednesday…” She trailed off before grinning. “Care to investigate, Mulder?” Were her last words before darting down the stairs. Sakura groaned in exasperation for umpteenth time that day. She was so done with Ino’s shit.

And she was totally Scully.

“Boys we’re heading down some dark and ominous stairs!-“

“What’s an ‘ominous’?”

“Oh my go- just get your asses down here before Ino ends up disrupting some fucking satanic cult ritual!”

The boys now behind her, Sakura began to make her way down the unsound wood steps.

“Ino!” She whispered out harshly.

“What are you doing down here?” A deep voice came from behind her. Twisting around faster than you can say Shark Week, the Haruno straight up decked the huge blue haired man who had spoken. “Ah! Jesus fucking Christ, woman! What’re you like 60 pounds? How ya throw a punch like that? Fucking hell.” Said the giant (she came up to his elbow, for the love of god…) man, tattoos of two large sharks inked all across both his arms; both of his cheekbones bore tattoos with a resemblance to gills.

Overall, the guy was pretty scary.

Bent over, clutching his nose which gushed with blood and a pout; kinda resembling a really big puppy instead of the supposed shark type theme he seemed to be going for.

Well…


End file.
